I just learned my friend, who is 20, has started dating a guy who is 35. I'm very uncomfortable with this prospect. She is very innocent, has had a few boyfriends, but I do know she's never gone that far with any of them and for this I am protective of her. Although this guy sounds like a nice person, I think it's unfair and too demanding of her. He is of a marriage-age afterall and will have more expectations/demands from a woman. It just... doesn't feel right! Argh.

LOL Well, it probably does seem odd, but speaking from the mid-30's demographic, I can say it's not as terrible as it seems.

Personally, I wouldn't find much in common with a 20-year old from a romance point of view, but that doesn't mean that it's impossible. I suppose it depends on what this guy is actually like. The age usually has far less to do with it than personaility. He may be like me and not cut out for marriage, he might not have 'extra' demands, most of us 30-somethings are really just teenagers in adult bodies

I suppose the best advice is the usual advice, just be prepared to be there if it all goes wrong, same as with any friend in a relationship

Not to mention that quite a few 20 year olds are more interested in marriage than going out and partying every night so it depends on what she's like too.

She's definitely not interested in marriage and want's to wait until at least 27 for that. And to be true, she does party a lot

Maybe she just plays innocent with you.

My gut instinct is that a 15 year age gap is a bit much; it breaks the ole half-plus-seven rule. But, with consideration, I think age isn't - or shouldn't - really matter so much so long as personalities match, etc, because I think the main reason we get hung up about age is relative maturity and the personality development... if you assume a 20 year olds' personality won't be able to match with a 35 year olds' one, then fine, but ultimately it's something the 2 of them will need to discover themselves anyways.

There's nothing wrong with being protective of her and offering friendly advice (what friends are for), just make sure you don't pressurize her (into dumping the guy) in doing so, because that can make things worse all round. I think I'd suggest just talking to her about it; your reservations, finding a bit more about the situation, etc because that allows her to think about it at the same time.

Anyways, ultimately age is simply a number IMO; it's the person that counts, and maybe the best tact is to imagine (hard) that you don't have any idea of the age of this guy (or her) and envisage if you'd still have the same reservations.

Well, as long as they are happy with each other I know couples who are over 30 years apart!