Sectorgame

I look into the ebon abyss before me, the looming blackness,
I stare into the face of my tormentor, my enemy, my own most intractable foe,
And I know, beyond him, that I see the place of my own demise.

Is this, then, my fate? My eternity? My dwelling beyond the stars?
To fight, to kill, to cover my hands with a stain that shall never wash clean?
Or is it to die in the cold dark void at the hands of another not unlike me?

I remember the sands of home, the place of my birth, warm and loving,
I think of the times I spent in my long-lost childhood, with my friends, my family,
I lament the fall from grace, the loss of my innocence, the blood shed by my hand.

We go forth into the universe, striding with pride, with arrogance, unthinking,
We do not remember the past, and we care not for the future we make for ourselves,
And yet we have naught a choice save to defend ourselves, our people, and our sacred honor.

What have our enemies done in peace that deserved the pain of war?
What did I do to be forced into war, into violence, into slaying my enemy lest he slay me?
What did our peoples do that the gods looked down and wished this black curse upon us all?

The Leaders say we must fight, must defend what is ours,
And the Others, they say the same, and fear us as we fear them,
And so on and on, blood falls, lives end, and the innocent are destroyed.

I bear the Others no malice, no ill will, for they are not so different from us,
I bear my people no curse, no blackening of the spirit, for they have no other choice,
I bear myself guilt and blame, for I have sinned, I am a sinner in a time of sin.

I hope that the Others find peace, find the strength to move aside from war,
I hope that my people find salvation, find Waters that cleanse the stains of spirit from them,
But for myself, I hope only that I die well, that I have done what I could, and done honor to all.

"Requiem and Revelation,"
Unnamed and deceased Vasudan warrior and poet
Recovered from a diary in the wreckage of the author's fighter, 31 October 2329

I stepped out to take a walk, and for some reason, I was struck by the image of a Vasudan writing a poem about his death in the Terran_Vasudan War, and knowing it would happen. How he would feel, how he would think of the Terrans, and the conscience of warrior in war.

Make of this what you will. It's a serious poem, and one that I like. I posted it here to see what people thought of the idea of poetry, serious poetry, from the Freespace universe.

There once was a man from nantucket. He slipped and he fell in a bucket------ What?


There once was a man from Peru, who dreampt he was eating his shoe. He woke up ine day, and to his dismay, found that his dream had come true.


Thats all i've got...

Never been a fan of freeform poetry, but this is translated from Vasudan, so you can get away with it I guess

I'll give a more serious review tomorrow - very sleepy right at the moment. But it looks pretty decent on initital readings.

OK. Well, first off I think the question has to be asked as to whether you were aiming for something that works in english, or just wanted to get your point across and let translation cover the gaps. There are a few points where you need to emphasize the timing a bit with punctuation. Careful timing, especially in freeform, can be as crucial as the words you choose. In a structured poem, the rhythym of the poem defines the speed a lot, so author imposed pace is somewhat less important, but here it's crucial.

Also, for my personal tastes, it's ladelled on a bit thick. I like to have to read a poem a few times, to slowly develop my own meaning and take away my own little personal things. Not every poem can work like that of course, but it's just something I like to do.

Otherwise, the wording is good - vocabulary's very important when you're writing poetry - it's important to be able to pull the exact word you need - it needs to create feeling with more than the defenition - words like ebon as opposed to, say, black, or dark do that very well. Plus the repetition, while it can be a little bit of a cliche, is used pretty well here, though if your going to get into a repeteive pattern, try not to break it. It throws the pace of things off.

Anyway, this is all my personal opinion, so don't read too much into it. It's far more important to write what you express than it is to write something that I'd like to read.

Yeah, I was doing this for that reason, but I wanted to see what you guys thought of it, too.

dont you have anything better to do?

i dont

No, not really.

Usually when I have nothing better to do I watch DVDs, I guess after doing a bit of everything, you get bored.

we dont have much in the way of DVDs, or movies at all. id rather FRED or model in TS

when im bored, i write up storyline-thingeys and make concept scetches.

I gave up writing storys and doing concepts, they always seem to stay on the paper.

not me, as im writing this even, im making a model of a concept sketch i made its awsome, too

Get some legos