Sectorgame

*arranges for Raa to receive a package in the mail from a Sciilian...gentleman..named Tony*

Don't mind the beeping Raa!

So it worked?

Does this mean your happy with yourself now Lib?

liberator wrote:*arranges for Raa to receive a package in the mail from a Sciilian...gentleman..named Tony*

Don't mind the beeping Raa!

*is Sicilian*

Remind me the situation that we're talking about...

Grug wrote:So it worked?

Does this mean your happy with yourself now Lib?

Not really, but I am more at peace with it now.

Raa wrote:

liberator wrote:*arranges for Raa to receive a package in the mail from a Sciilian...gentleman..named Tony*

Don't mind the beeping Raa!

*is Sicilian*

thats not how those guys work anyway, theyre more baseball bat/brass knuckle types

Hmm... Got anything else, TopAce?

I'm bordeline sociopathic: I hold no value in human life, pretty much enjoy watching people dying and bleeding and such, literally hate my family - no underlying feelings of familial love, I honestly hate them, and more than once have I seriously considered actually killing them - and have this fascenation with death and dying. Naturally, I don't mention this to people. Ever.

I have a tendency to hold two-sided conversations with myself, am extremely paranoid (You know how if somebody is in the same room as you, you know they're there, even if they're making no noise and you can't see 'em? When I'm alone in my room at night, I can sense somebody in there with me, even though there's no one), and I really live in my own head, with the talking to myself and such.

I'm plagued by nightmares - I literally never have had anything else for the last few months, to the point of them not bothering me anymore. I'm about 90% emotionless, I mean it. What little emotion I have is either hatred for anything and everything (Seriously), an old and deep-rooted sense of self-loathing ("You f#####g b#stard, you have no right to be here, and you know it. Oh, no, don't take yourself out, you have no right to do that, either. You think you have it so bad, but others have it worse, and you know it, so why do you think you deserve to complain? Shut up and listen to me you idiot!" is often what I'm saying to myself, or the like), and I automatically convert depression into said feeling of self-loathing. Naturally, I really take no pleasure from life.

These are the results - my issues that cause them aren't really your concern... >_> But the point is, all that makes me often considered sub-human, and feared. Everybody around me is trying to 'convert' me to being ordinary, and if I mention any of this to most people, they'll freak. So I don't talk about it. On top of that, I... honestly believe that I'm schizophrenic... Maybe I'm just a hypochondriac (Which, incidentally, is also a mental disorder ), but I think it's for real.... I have a LOT of the symptoms, including 'early signs' and such you get early in life, and the speed and method of onset... I havn't told anyone about that, really, though. I don't feel like explaining at the moment, I'm afraid. ^^;;

Sooo... Yeah. Wow... First time I've really vented in... *Shrugs* Who cares

Incidentally, I /am/, in fact, working to fix the issues and such causing this.

*Attempts to rerail topic*

Liberator, I'm glad that I could help, even if it's in a small way. Regardless of the flak that you took from a lot of people after you made those types of posts, my thought was that just hearing some sympathetic words would go a lot longer. I sincerely hope that things get better for you in the future.

Grimloq (by the way, it's Top Gun, not TopAce ), I don't think that I or anyone else on this board is really qualified to tell you what you need to do. From your description of your situation, I agree with you in saying that you may have some sort of underlying mental condition. When I said that I thought pyschologists were quacks, I was being somewhat facetious; there are situations where their expertise is not only helpful but a necessity. Your situation may be one of those times. My advice to you would be to find some help from someone. I'm not necessarily talking about going straight to a psychologist; find someone that you trust and that you feel won't be intimidated by your situation. If you are a member of any religious denomination, a member of the clergy might be a good choice; other options would be your teacher, some sort of relative, or your doctor. Get someone to direct you to some place where you can get help. If I can give you any solace at all, it's to say that the way you feel right now does not define the way you will be for the rest of your life. You can find healing, not necessarily in the form of a "conversion," but as a slow process that helps you sort out what's going on in your life. Above all else, don't give in to despair and darkness. Tomorrow is another day, and no one knows what the future may bring. Keep your hopes alive. I sincerely wish that you may be able to find the type of healing that you need.

Above all else, you are by no means "sub-human," no matter your feelings at the moment. You are already a normal person, no matter what troubles you may be going through at the moment. But please, don't be reluctant to talk to someone; get in contact with someone that can get you help.

phreak wrote:i make sure my fly is up.

phreak wrote:i make sure my fly is up.

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