Top Gun wrote:and if someone out there created a massively-multiplayer sort of game that catered to said strengths, as opposed to mind-numbing grinding, I'd be all over it.
Navyfield's manual gunnery might appeal to you, though then again, maybe not. Manual becomes necessary for cruisers, but for DDs (most, some DD-X/all Tsukithingie/some Z99 excepted) auto is more reasonable, as it allows you to better coordinate gun and torpedo fire.
It's also free. There are buyable items/crew upgrades but as a practical matter I'm not convinced they make a difference unless you're willing to drop about a hundred bucks on veterans, which most players aren't, and they do Christmas/Halloween/other holiday events which give out buyable stuff for free.